Have you ever wanted something that you were terrified of?
I have. It’s a weird feeling. And it’s not one of those feelings that just passes with time. And it’s different feeling than wanting to ride that really scary rollercoaster or go into a haunted house.
For me it was coming to Australia.
For a while, I had been stuck. The kind of stuck where you don’t think there’s anything you can do about it so you just keep staying stuck and after a while you think it’s normal and you just live with it. Then, it was like a switched flipped inside of me. I don’t know how or why it happened, but I’m so thankful that it did.
I knew that I had to get out. I didn’t know where but I knew it had to be soon or I would lose my mind. And with my mind, I knew I’d lose my boyfriend and maybe even distance myself from my family which is the last thing I’d ever want.
So I found a way to get out. Study abroad. It was the perfect getaway scheme. How could my parents say no? I was advancing my education and I had already been accepted into the program when I told them I wanted to go (okay, maybe that was a little underhanded of me). They had no choice but to say yes. My boyfriend and I were going through a rough patch so I didn’t even mention to him that I was going until my plane tickets were already purchased. I mean, who knew if we’d even be together when I left?
So off I went. Before I knew it, I was on a plane over the ocean and scared out of my mind. I remember when I first boarded my international flight. It was so surreal. It didn’t feel like I was leaving the only country I’d ever know along with every single one of my family members and friends. It still felt like I was going see them in a few days, a week tops.
But when we landed in Sydney, it hit me.. hard. I remember walking into a little shop in the airport to buy a snack. I looked into my wallet and didn’t know what to give the lady behind the counter. I didn’t have any one dollar bills. I looked at her in embarrassment and confusion and she sighed and said, “it’s the gold coin.” I quickly found the gate for my next flight and took a few deep breaths to regain my composure before I called my mom on skype.
As soon as she picked up, it took everything in me not to cry. I had never felt so far away from someone. It was like I could see the entire distance between Sydney and Tennessee and it. was. massive.
But my mom, being the wonder woman that she is, was able to calm me down just by talking. I don’t even think she realized how upset I had been because everything felt fine as soon as she began asking me about my 16 hour flight. Seeing and hearing her excitement for me made all the difference. It was at that moment that I knew I had made the right decision and that I was meant to go places and see things. After all, how could someone want these good things for me so badly and I not want them for myself?
It’s been over a month now and every day is still a slight battle to remember that I meant to be here and it’s only a few more months ‘til I’m home. Australia is a lovely place, but it’s no place like home ❤
Daisy of the Day: Having someone to miss, someone to come home to 🙂
-kita<3
Collecting Daisies 